"What else should I be?
All apologies.
What else could I say?
Everyone is gay."
- Kurt Cobain, "All Apologies"
Almost from the moment it was published, in 1948, in Alfred Kinsey's Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, the "Kinsey Scale" (also called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale) was controversial. Kinsey attempted to describe a subject's sexual history or episodes of sexual activity on a 7-point continuum, from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual.
Over time, critics have found the scale to be not comprehensive enough to cover all sexual identity issues. In our current climate of Metrosexuals and "bromances" between ostensibly non-homosexual men, it would seem the Kinsey Scale needs an update. Based on no scientific research whatsoever (but with a whole lot of miles on my own sexual history), I present my Post-Gay version of the Kinsey Scale. You know who you are.
(6) Exclusively homosexual:
"I ain't had pussy since pussy had me."
(5) Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual:
Would probably throw rocks at it.
(4) Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual:
Issues!!
(3) Bisexual:
Bored = Horny.
(2) Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual:
Gay for pay.
(1) Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual:
Can be had, requires a 6-pack of Budweiser.
(0) Exclusively heterosexual:
Can be had, requires tequila and porno.
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